This was one of my main take-aways from the Fertility Show, London, November 2018.
My husband and I paid £3 each to go to a seminar by Russell Davis, a hypnotherapist, who talked about his own experience with infertility and the body/mind connection.
The main gist of it was to realise that, whatever happens – whether IVF works or doesn’t – you’ll be OK. I found it a bit rich coming from him, who ended up (shock horror) having a ‘miracle’ pregnancy despite his ‘dismal’ semen analysis results. (I’d love to know what his definition of dismal is, because chances are they weren’t that bad, clearly…). Having said that, he said he had made his peace with the fact that he and his wife might not get pregnant before they naturally conceived.
He spoke about all the noise that goes on in our heads the whole time, and the importance of being in the moment, or mindfulness. (Which reminds me: I really must start using Headspace again…). I found him lacking in practical advice on how you’re suppose to use mindfulness on a daily basis, to be honest. But the whole ‘You’re going to be OK’ thing stuck with me.
Up until this point, I’d thought: well, we must have our own child. We can’t possibly not. It’s inconceivable, as it were, to think otherwise. As if thinking this way would almost jinx the result. But the whole fertility show made me realise that IVF is not a sure-fire way of getting what you want. Just because you really, really want it, doesn’t mean you’ll succeed. Unfortunately, this is one area of our lives we cannot control.
And so, perhaps we will be OK, even if having a family doesn’t work out the way we planned. There are other routes to having kids, of course. Donor sperm or eggs, adoption… we could even decide not to have children at all. Imagine that? (It’s hard to, at the moment, I admit.) Lots of holidays and disposable income, freedom to do what we want whenever we want, a good excuse to get a dog and even some more cats… life could be sweet, I’m sure.
I don’t know what the future holds, that’s for sure. But I have come away from Russell’s session believing that me and my husband are actually going to be OK. That’s a bloody good investment of £3 in anyone’s book.