Baby R is now 10 weeks old, and I’m starting to feel a bit more of my old self. Only tiny flashes of her, but glimpses of the person I was pre-baby none the less. The main thing for me was getting my hair done yesterday. I went to the hairdressers and had two and a half hours of ‘me’ time. I don’t love going to the hairdresser but it was lovely to sit there and not have to feed or burp or clean up. I didn’t even chat or do anything, really. I just sat there and enjoyed the sensation of not having anyone depend on me.
My hair had grown super long during lockdown – the colour was brassy at the ends and it was massively dry. When the hairdresser cut the ends off, I was basically back to my original hair colour (dark blonde) and I loved it. Pregnancy and not dying my locks because of IVF (I gave up a lot of beauty stuff because of infertility treatment, including perfume, nail varnish and regular deoderant) has left my hair soft, thick and shiny and part of me wondered whether I should leave it au natural. But I’m glad she put some colour through just to freshen it up. It looks SO much better. I also put a bit of make-up on, wore fitted clothes rather than my typical baggy ones to cover up my tummy, and looked in the mirror and thought: you don’t look half bad for a new momma.
Things continue to improve on the mommy front. Don’t get me wrong – it’s still hard, and most days are a challenge. But when the scheduling that I’ve implemented ‘works’, and she sleeps when she should and smiles at us instead of cries, it feels like we’re solving the puzzle of Baby R. I’m pretty confident she’s getting enough food now, because of the three-hour feeding regime, and she’s getting more naps in during the day. Scheduling rather than on-demand works for us. It gives us structure for the day and if we largely stick to it, I can even get some stuff done, which always feels like a huge victory.
Today is a dream day (and these a few and far between, honestly, but let me indulge myself for a moment). She woke up at 5:30am, which I can deal with, and I fed her at 6am. After a nappy change, she went back to sleep from 7am and we woke her at 9am for her next feed. I managed to hang the washing out, make breakfast AND eat it, tidy up, put make-up on and get changed. All that before 9am! It felt like I was living the dream. Then I fed her, we played with her on her baby gym mat, which she normally isn’t interested in, and then we bundled her into the car an hour later to take her to see some friends. And she slept, because it’s nap time and she’s tired. Amazing! What progress we’ve made in the last fortnight.
It helps that my husband was off work three days last week, and again took the baby most of yesterday morning. Next week I have nothing in the diary except my friend coming to stay Friday night, so I’m not sure how I’m going to fill the days. I’d like to try and take bubs in the Baby Bjorn all the way into town and back at some point, although the thought of that scares me a bit. She can definitely stay asleep for a couple of hours in the sling, but if she doesn’t, it’s quite a long way back with a screaming child strapped to your chest.
Unfortunately the online mommy and baby class I’d signed up to last week has been cancelled, so that’s out, and there are no face-to-face playgroups yet due to lockdown. I guess I’ll just try and get out each day, chip away at my to-do list (life admin) and try reinforcing the schedule.
And here’s to feeling a bit more ‘me’.