Different coloured ten pin bowls

I always wished I’d kept a day-by-day dairy of how I felt during the two week wait in my previous two IVF rounds. So, with plenty of time to kill between now and 23 February 2019, here I go!

1DP4DT – we flew home from Prague today. I felt a jabbing sensation on the bottom left-hand side of my ovary on the way home from Heathrow in the taxi, like a knitting needle prodding me. Could this be one of my embryos implanting? Can that happen the day after transfer? 

I’m also as blocked up as a snotty child in the bowel department, if you catch my drift. 

Fell asleep to a YouTube hypnosis thing, basically visualising the embryo implanting. I have no idea if it makes any difference, but I’m willing to give anything a shot at this point!

2DP4DT – woke up exhausted and bloated today – thanks pessaries! I actually feel gross as I haven’t done any exercise for about three weeks now. I’ve also eaten loads of crap between egg collection and transfer (I had a McDonald’s after egg collection, that’s how bad I was) and I’ve not had enough water either, which I don’t think that has helped.

At least I’m back at work (which is hideously busy) and have distraction from this already tiresome wait. Although I forced myself to leave at a decent time today as I really need to look after myself, especially this week.

Found out at lunchtime our two remaining embryos that GENNET had left to ‘see how they went’ stopped developing, so that’s that for them. Strange but I felt really sad for them. And also a little worried if that was an indication of the rest of the morulas we’d frozen 🙁

Spent some of this evening googling ‘how soon can implantation happen?’ and found this chart, which is pretty helpful. Apparently today is when the embryo makes contact with the endometrium. Eek!

Might listen to that hypnosis thing again tonight…

3DP4DT – feeling less ‘blocked drain’ today in the bowel department, but certainly bloated. I can’t work out if I’m getting more so, which can be a sign of pregnancy, but I’m pretty sure this is wishful thinking. Had a headache this morning, and one this evening, but perhaps that’s because my work is a NIGHTMARE!

My husband keeps asking me: ‘what symptoms are you feeling?’ and I’m like: ‘I dunno!’ Think it’s all (cramping, headache, bloating) because of the pessaries, but who knows. I do feel different to my other cycles in that I am definitely more bloated and crampy, but on less progesterone (600mg rather than 800mg) so maybe that IS a good sign… oh, good old symptom spotting!

I’m willing myself to feel sick, to smell more, to bloat up… it’s quite ridiculous.

According to the chart mentioned above, this is what’s happening:

Implantation continues as the embryo settles further in. The early placenta starts producing human chorionic gonadotrophin (hCG)hormone. This hormone will increase to levels where it can be identified in the blood and urine of the mother as a positive pregnancy test. Earlier detection depends on the amount of hCG present on the sensitivity of the testing method. With a very sensitive detection method (most likely blood test) a pregnancy test can be positive at this stage. Don’t let this drive you crazy with early testing! Levels are likely to be within the 0-50 mIU/ml range.

Apparently implantation bleeding (of which I’ve obviously been checking for – yes, I am that gross) could happen from tomorrow.

4DP4DT – felt less bloated today, like my ‘drains’ are getting clearer… but I felt WEIRD today. At lunchtime, I got really spaced out and had to go outside of work, have a walk about and take a proper break. The only way I can describe it is I felt my body was disconnected from my head. It was OK after I got back but it was a strange sensation.

Other symptoms? Not a lot. Fleeting headaches, tiredness, cramps and sore (.)(.) but other than that, nothing else. But these are definite symptoms – it’s not like I feel nothing. But it’s probably just the progesterone at play.

5DP4DT – again, less bloated and gassy. Felt ‘normal’ really, except for the sore (.)(.). I can also report a fullness in my lower regions (like period pains), the odd cramp and fleeting headaches. And a bit of nausea this evening, but surely it’s too early for that?

My husband is driving me mad, asking me how I’m feeling every five minutes. He’s searching all the female forums and going down google holes trying to symptom spot… I think he’s finding this wait more difficult than me!

I’m also confused about whether I should be basing my 2WW on a five-day transfer, because the two embryos we’ve got onboard were blastocysts, not morulas (although not sure whether they were early/hatching/expanding etc). If I do, I’m 5DP5DT, which means tomorrow is 10dpo, which is getting closer into testing territory… :-O

6DP4DT – thank goodness it’s FRIDAY – finally the weekend. It’s been a super busy work week, but this has been a blessed distraction from the 2WW. Symptoms today include feeling a wee bit bloated again, but not gassy (like my belly is full of air), and cramping (like burning) a la period pains. But I’m not due on til next Tuesday, so maybe these are different pains? (She says, hopefully…).

I’ve consulted my trusty chart, which says:

Levels of hCG are high enough to be detected by a home pregnancy test. However, a negative home pregnancy test is not always reliable and a blood test for hCG is more reliable. Though hCG may possibly be detected in the mother’s blood from day 4 onward, it is usually tested for about 2 weeks after the day of fertilization.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t think I can wait till next Tuesday to test. (GENNET wants me to wait til next Saturday which is, quite frankly, ludicrous! Who can wait 14 days post egg transfer?!) On Sunday it’ll be 8DP4DT, which is equivalent to when I tested last round (7DP5DT). It was then that I got a faint positive, which turned out to be a chemical…

But what if I get a faint line again? I’m not going to trust it, am I? I’ll just keep testing to see if it fades. But if it’s blank white, I’ll be fretting, knowing the likelihood is it’s over and onto frozen (which at least we’ve got this time, that goodness).

I know the sensible thing to do is just to WAIT it out. It’ll save me heartache either way, and money. But I don’t think I can do it. On Sunday, there should be a line, shouldn’t there, if it worked? So that’s probably what I will do.

7DP4DT – So I actually can’t believe I’m not going to come on my period any moment now. I have throbbing pains on the left-hand side of my panty-line area. It would really hurt if some pressed there with any force. And earlier I sneezed while lying down, and my whole uterus area hurt. Like yelping in pain hurt. Surely these are classic period pains?

(.)(.) still hurt, which is positive, because the sensitivity had disappeared on both previous cycles a day or two before my period (although I’m no due for another three days so there’s time…). Quite bloated but not massively gassy. I went for lunch with friends today and got really full after a salad and some fries, and not been hungry since.

No weird dreams as of yet, which I’ve had before (last time I dreamt on the day of my faint BFP that I’d ‘lost the baby’ – it ended up a chemical). I woke up last night at 4am and lay awake, rigid, for an hour in deep anxiety. My mind was whirring mostly about work, but I could not get back to sleep for ages, which isn’t like me. When I woke the second time at 7:30am (a real lie-in) I was ravenous.

Who knows if any of the above matters. We bought a pack of two First Response (FRER) pregnancy tests today, to try and find out. They’re suppose to detect six days before your missed period, and were what I used last round. So, even though it’s a week early from GENNET’s official test date, we’re going to do it tomorrow morning, with first morning weeeeeee.

I feel nervous. I don’t want this (anxious) PUPO hopefulness to end.

It’s always been a BFN. Even when there was a positive last cycle, it faded to nothing. So I’m scared this dream will end tomorrow. But I’d rather know on a Sunday than wait till Tuesday with work as stressful as it is. But what a shitty Sunday it’s going to be if I get one line, not two.

Right, bed time now. I guess I’ll see you on the other side… wish me luck. I think we really need it.

8DP4DT – Woke up in the middle of the night, and checked my (.)(.) to make sure they were still sore. They weren’t. They were like my normal boobs. I felt my heart plunge through the floor. This had happened twice before in previous cycles, so I knew the writing was on the wall. I mentally prepared myself for the worst, cursed myself for ever believing IVF could work for us, and managed to get back to sleep.

Woke up again, absolutely boiling (sweaty and uncomfortable) and checked my boobs again. They were back! Full and sensitive. WTF?! It might be game on again! It was now 7am so I made my way downstairs, found my trusty shot glass that I keep by the toilet to pee in (for such occasions), unwrapped my FRER and thought ‘here goes nothing’ (I also thought: geez, that’s some potent piss – if that doesn’t have any HSG in it, it never will).

So I went to make a cuppa and laid the test on the side for the three-minute wait. Within a minute, perhaps before, the result came up:

For the first time in my life I got two strong lines 🙂

Fcuk! There’s no denying that line, is there, I thought. I am most definitely preggers! It might even be bloody twins! OMG.

The best bit was telling my husband. He couldn’t believe it. ‘My useless sperm,’ he said ‘did something right.’ How lovely to have good news to tell him. For now… (Sorry, I just have to be realistic.)

It’s still (obviously) very early days, and I keep telling myself that. But it’s also so exciting. We’ve never been *here* before. I don’t know what happens next! I understand you can have a viability scan at six weeks, which I think is actually only two weeks away. But because we went abroad for our treatment, I think we’d have to pay for that at a private clinic. Do I book that now, or wait? I guess I wait til closer to the date.

All that’s left for me to say today is for the first time in my life I can actually say I am pregnant. It’s taken three rounds of IVF to get this far, and I can’t bloody believe it. So let’s just hope the line keeps strong, because this is just the beginning. But for today, YAY!

9DP4DT – who do you tell when you’re four weeks pregnant? No one, most people would answer. But what about when so many people know your IVF business?

Believe it or not, I told my boss today. We had a one-to-one, she asked if I’d given into temptation and tested, and I had to admit it. And she was thrilled – it was such a lovely reaction. We also told our moms yesterday. Mine is cautiously hopeful, and my husband’s sent me a text saying if my other half stopped treating me like a princess, he’d have her to answer to!

I am massively conscious it’s really early days, though, and a horribly high percentage of women in their late 30s have miscarriages. And yet I’m telling my boss at four weeks (when, in reality, it’s not even two)…

Furthermore, I spent nearly all day yesterday reading pregnancy books. I’ve never even thought about doing that up until now – it’s fascinating how quickly the foetus grows at this early stage. Other inappropriate behaviour at this early stage include: googling our due date (28 October) and considering how soon I can go on maternity leave.

Only now do I understand how devastating an early miscarriage might be. I always thought: surely you can’t be too upset if you lost a baby at five or six weeks – they’re barely a foetus. But I’m starting to get it now.

You start visualising how your life might be. It’s impossible to not become excited and stop your mind dreaming. I am in deep. And I’m terrified of it going wrong now. I’m already so invested.

Tomorrow is my ‘official’ test date, and I will use my second FRER and a cheap less sensitive Superdrug one, to retest. I definitely feel like I can only be *more* pregnant – my (.)(.) are super sensitive and I am even more bloated, gassy and crampy than before. But of course it’s still nerve-wracking. Especially because of my chemical last cycle. But this is definitely different. Long may it continue.

10DP4DT – It’s actually a lie to say today is my official test date. My official test date is on Saturday, 14DP4DT (four days’ time), which is when I need to tell GENNET my results. I think they want blood results, but it’s highly unlikely my GP will give me a blood test for this.

Anyway, who knows if it’ll get that far…

This morning I decided to home test again using the FRER and a cheaper Superdrug test. The FRER test line came up quickly, and was stronger than the control.

However, the first Superdrug test failed to work – the liquid didn’t travel along the window. So I ended up using a second Superdrug test, but this time with my second morning wee.

Top one FRER, bottom one Superdrug and much less dark :-/

The Superdrug test is less sensitive than FRER, measuring hCG levels at 20mlU compared to 6.3mlU. But I still fully expected the line to be really dark, having got it in my head we might be expecting twins.

But it wasn’t. And I know it was measuring my second wee, but I only had a cup of tea. It wasn’t like I’d massively diluted my urine with loads of liquid!

So obviously now I’m stressing again, even though the FRER was strong.

Why isn’t the Superdrug line darker? What if the foetus has stopped developing? Why have I got so excited when everything is so precarious? It’d serve me right after telling people so soon (my boss, a former colleague, both moms). And clearly twins are now out the window, but what if there are none?

Main thing is, my (.)(.) still hurt. That’s my barometer. As long as they stay sensitive, I feel I’m still on track.

I might test again with the Superdrug tomorrow, see if the line gets any darker. Please, please, please get darker!

See what happens from 11DP4DT onwards here.

Hey, I'm Caroline. Thanks for visiting my site!

3 thoughts on “The 2WW – a daily update

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