6w+1 – today we travelled up North to a seaside place called Filey to stay in a little cottage with my parents and brother. The feelings of nausea from the day before had gone, although I felt yucky – I suppose a bit queasy and tired. I had quite a lot of spotting today, more than I’ve had so far. It’s less ‘spotting’ and more brown cervical mucus discharge (I know, sorry, TMI).
Mid-afternoon, I started getting cramps but I couldn’t tell you whether they were from all the bread and fish and chips I’d eaten that day or whether it was pregnancy-related. All I knew is I felt crummy. My mom had brought a hot water bottle to the cottage for her back, which I put on my belly for most the evening.
6w+2 – not much spotting first thing, but more came as the morning progressed. Again, more than I’ve had before. It’s brown, still, but there’s a fair amount there, and it’s disconcerting. Thank goodness I’ve been through this before last time, so I’m no longer freaking out. I’m now just going with the flow with it. If it’s the start of something, it’s the start. Nothing I can do. But I’d rather it stopped.
No nausea today, and the cramps aren’t there, but I’m really put off by food at the moment. My husband made me eggs for breakfast yesterday, which really turned my stomach. Same with salmon dinner the day before, although I ate it and it was delicious. My appetite has really disappeared, but I can feel I’m hungry and my stomach is gurgling.
6w+3 – felt dreadful today. Woke up early a bit nauseous. Watched my husband go out for a run while I stayed in bed, guiltily wondering if I should have gone with him and instead dozed off and on for an hour. Finally got up around 9am (we’re on holiday!) and went to the old town in Bridlington for a couple of hours. Couldn’t even stomach a coffee, I felt that rubbish. My appetite is shot and I’m hardly drinking any water either.
Limped home early, bundled up in several layers, and spent most of the afternoon in bed, dozing. Luckily we’re able to do this, but I’m back at work Thursday. Hoping I’ll not feel so yucky tomorrow. I know this is what I’ve continually asked for – nausea – but it’s weird: my symptoms aren’t cut and dry. Sort of sick, nasty taste in mouth, no appetite, tired but no sensitive (.)(.). If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was about to come down with flu… hopefully not!
6w+4 – no symptoms at all today. Felt well-rested, I’d got my energy back – I’d even found my appetite and ate a small fish and chips, AND a bread cake at lunch! Started feeling tired around 5pm, and had a lie down before we went out for something to eat. While walking to the pub, my back started aching, and I was really uncomfortable. Oh my god, I thought: is this the start of a miscarriage? Is it ectopic? I could only manage a soup and just wanted to come home and lie down.
I’ve now had a long warm shower and am in my PJs, feeling much better. I wonder if it was just eating all that food at lunchtime after having several days of not eating much? Still, I’m always leaping to the worst conclusion. We finally booked the viability scan today for Sunday, and I’m not looking forward to it for all the above reasons. At least I’ll know either way. I can’t believe it’s going to end well, yet, even though it must be better than a 50/50 chance by now. Does any woman just feel relaxed about this whole thing? I can’t imagine this level of anxiety is normal!
6w+5 – woke up, went to the loo and nervously checked my pants. Dark brown spotting, again. This spotting is definitely worse than last time – it seems to be most days now. (.)(.) don’t feel sensitive, I don’t feel nauseous. What I am feeling is negative about it all, to be honest.
Spent the last 30 minutes googling spotting and early pregnancy, with the usual mix of good and bad results. Some people saying ‘brown blood is old blood and fine’ and others saying ‘no blood is good blood. It was the start of my miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy’ etc. Am glad we’ve booked the viability scan for Sunday. Better to know what we’re dealing with.
Got the long trip down South from Filey to Windsor today, which is going to take most of the day. Just want to hide in bed instead. I’m dreading work tomorrow, as the restructure means I have no idea what’s happening to my job – more stress I just don’t need. And I also have the first day of my counselling course, over in Twickenham. So back to the real world tomorrow.
6w+6 – what a day! Got into work, anxious about what’s going to happen with my job and the restructure… and then, about 9am, I had a wash of nausea come over me and I had to swiftly go to the loo. I was SO close to throwing up, I couldn’t actually believe it. This is the first time this has EVER happened to me. So I was in utter disbelief and actually excited and pleased. The sickness then soon passed, and I was back to feeling OK again. I wonder if it’ll happen again? (And it was horrible, so I don’t want it to, but it’s also reassuring.)
Other than that, my work is up in the air and I do feel quite stressed but thankfully it’s Friday tomorrow and the weekend soon after. Although I have a lot on, so it won’t be that relaxing, especially the scan on Sunday.
I also had my counselling course over in Twickenham, which was anxiety-inducing but exciting. It’s been five years since I completed the level two counselling certificate, so it was a bit of a culture shock going back into a classroom environment again. But the people were lovely, and it made me feel I had a purpose again. I want to put all this awful infertility experience to good use one day, so I can actually help others get through this difficult situation. For the first time today I felt like one day, in the not so distant future, I might be able to do just that.