water colour splashes

11+2 – I’m 11 weeks pregnant and it’s only a week and a day to go until my 12-week scan. There’s not been a lot to report on the symptoms front, I’m pleased to report. My (.)(.) are still sensitive, I’m still exhausted and I feel mildly nauseous every now and then. I had a little panic a couple of days ago when my (.)(.) felt less sensitive, but that tends to be when I’m lying in bed at night. When I wake up in the morning, as I’m walking down the stairs to the loo, I cop a bit of a feel and they are always heavy and sensitive.

I’m just counting down the days to my NHS scan now. I finally got the letter for it through yesterday, and I’m so relieved I don’t have to wait too much longer. I’m obviously a bit scared about it because of the missed miscarriage that was discovered last time, six months ago. But I *feel* pregnant now. But even if it is OK, I’m going to keep the announcement to a minimum. I’ll tell close friends and family, but I’m going to try and keep it from work (my boss knows but no one else in my team does) until the end of the year – two and a half months from now.

I know, I know… I’m planning ahead. I shouldn’t. I’m petrified of it going wrong still. But… I kinda think it’s going to be OK now. I really hope I’m not proven wrong. I have a friend at work (outside of my team) who is about to find out if her latest IVF was successful and I really felt her pain. It didn’t look that hopeful on Friday. She messaged me and said she’d started bleeding.

And I just thought: that could be me. It could all go wrong at any time and I’d be back to square one again, and then what? It would have been a complete wasted year. I’m 38 shortly. I actually can’t believe it. We found out about our fertility woes at 35, and now I’m nearing 40, when miscarriages are 50/50. That terrifies me. Even if this pregnancy is fine, if I want another it’ll be even more of an up-hill struggle. I know, I know… let’s not worry about that now. One thing at a time.

Hey, I'm Caroline. Thanks for visiting my site!

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