I’ve just come back from my day 8 of stimming scan, and I’m pretty gutted.
The sonographer began by saying I had a lovely lining. This is a good start, I thought. I felt pretty optimistic at that point.
Then she moved the probe thing to my right ovary. ‘OK, so you have you have one lead follicle there,’ she said.
Sorry… what? What the actual fuck.
‘The left side is a bit better. You have six there,’ she said.
OK… so, I’m on the long protocol, been injecting myself for days and days. And I have precisely seven viable follicles. When on the short protocol, at this stage, I had over 20. And all my hormone levels suggest I should be a great responder. One on the right?!
‘But what about the others from my antral follicle scan? There were 18?’
‘Those other ones are just not growing.’
‘But… but why?’
‘We’re all different. They all grow at different rates.’
‘But I thought that was the point of the long protocol. That they would grow evenly?’
‘Let’s see how you get on in a couple of days. It only takes one!’
If I hear that chuffin phrase one more time, I might scream the house down.
Does it only take one? Because, really, I’d like to have a few options rather than putting all my eggs into this one basket, so to speak. Perhaps have a bunch of frozen ones as back-up, in case that ‘one’ doesn’t implant, like last time.
I’d love to be sitting here right now, instead of tears falling down my cheeks, and be in a better position than my first cycle. Isn’t that the whole point? Surely you learn from the last time to improve your chances.
Last cycle there were 20+ follicles on the first scan, then 36 on the second scan.
Then there were options.
Sure, it all went down the pan at egg collection, when I only got six eggs, three of which were mature.
But what the hell! At least I felt I had options. Yes, 90% of those options were duffers… but I wasn’t throwing in the towel quite yet. Which is where my head is right now with this cycle. Waste. Of. Time.
Don’t tell me: ‘Oh, seven isn’t that bad.’ Yes, it is. It is when you’re 36, with an AMH of 26 and all your other hormone levels suggest you’re punching above your weight. Seven is BS.
I look on these forums and there’s people getting 20, 30, 40 eggs. Even those with poor ovarian reserves and over 40 getting more than me.
Why? What is wrong with me? There’s not supposed to be anything wrong with me! Yet I’m the one whose body is failing.
The only positive I can think of right now is at least my expectations are low. At least if this cycle fails, which I would bet £1,000 on right now, it’s not going to be a huge surprise.
#silverlinings #whataloadofbollocks #onlycycle2andhadenough #hormonaltothemax